i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
