I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Randomize
