she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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