i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
