I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Randomize
