i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
