Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Randomize
