I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
