Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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