Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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