Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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