I faked an abortion last night.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
