Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
