just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
