I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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