Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
It's just like the Real World with babies
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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