I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
