They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
