After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
