That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
