Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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