Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Pappa wants mamma naked
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
