i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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