"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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