I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
