from now on my penis is your penis
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
