can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
