Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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