but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
