Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I want a musical about memes.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
