oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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