Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
