don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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