You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
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