the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
