So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
