I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
