Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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