I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Randomize
