he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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