I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
