I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
