batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
