just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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