Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
