I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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