Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
