You really coming over, don't trick.
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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