I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
