singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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