Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
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