Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
