D3 body, D1 cock
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
