A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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