Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
