Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
